Who can blame you for being scared of childbirth? You've been told since you were a little girl that giving birth is a painful, scary thing. You've been told all the horror stories and you've certainly seen the births on television.
But you're also concerned for the health of your new baby - even now. You want to give your baby the best start possible, and you know a good birth is good for your baby. So how can you stop being scared of childbirth and start focusing on how you're going to have the best birth for your baby?
Start by removing the negative influences as much as you can. I know those baby shows on television are addictive - I'll catch myself stuck to the screen if I'm not careful. But they're really not good to watch. Television is all about drama so they have to pick...well... the dramatic births. Of course your baby's birth is going to be a momentous occasion but it doesn't have to be a made-for-TV terror. Do yourself a favour and change the channel.
You may also want to avoid being around people who tell "horror stories" of childbirth. I know sometimes you just can't avoid family gatherings where every great-aunt who notices you're pregnant feels it's her duty to go into all the agonizing detail of her five births. But try to tactfully change the subject, or exclaim that you forgot you're supposed to be helping in the kitchen!
You've now minimized the negative outside influences. What about the things that are still in your head?
A lot of fear is simply fear of the unknown. I recommend you list the fears that come to mind when you think of giving birth. Are you scared of the pain? Of a long labour? Maybe you're worried about a c-section. Whatever it is, list it.
Now go through your list and consider each item. Ask yourself "what would I do if this happened? How would I want to handle it?" So if you're worried about a long labour ask yourself "what would I do if my labour dragged on and on?"
Answer the question to the best of your ability. Running with the above example: "I'd rest fully between contractions. I know that it's hard to continue a long labour with no food, so I'm going to talk to my doctor about having light food during labour. I'm also going to make sure I get plenty of rest as I get close to my due date. I'll rest during the day if needed, and on weekends, so I have more energy for labour. I'm also going to research pain medications and how they could let me sleep - and what effects they'd have on my baby. Then I'll know if I'd be comfortable taking something to get some sleep, or if I'd rather not."
Do you see how in the above example I was really honest? I listed some things I could do now to help myself feel prepared for a situation I'm worried about. Talking to the doctor about food during labour, researching medications, and planning to get as much rest as possible are all things that can be done rather than worrying (or trying to pretend you're not worried).
Go through this exercise with each one of your fears. Decide what you'd do in each situation. Decide what you can do and learn now, in advance of the situation. Maybe you want to learn what happens during a c-section, or how a breech baby is handled. Work through your fears in this manner and you'll find the element of the unknown fading away. As you become informed, your fears will fade.
The final component is to let your fear go. You've listed it, you've decided what you'll do if the fear is realized. You've listed things you can do or learn now to prepare you for that fear. So (other than doing those things), just let the fear go. If it keeps coming back, address it again and figure out why it's recurring. Then let it go. Once you've worked through your fears and let them go, spend time picturing just how your ideal birth will go. Dwell on your perfect birth, and let the fears fade away.
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